I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
