Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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