Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
