I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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