its not stalking. its research.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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