I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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