That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
