Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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