Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
