fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
