Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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