There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We got so high we made milksteak
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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