i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
