Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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