You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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