i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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