Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
