You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are we still banned from the library?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
