I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Welp...herpes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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