I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
