One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
