So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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