Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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