I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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