is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
