I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize