So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
