I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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