Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
