I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
