why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
