Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The air was thick with penises
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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