You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
