First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
