I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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