i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
