your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
