He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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