Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize