20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My feet surprised me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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