so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
