I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
