In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
