DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
