Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
