You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
