ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
