her vagine was all disorganized.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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