so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
