You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
