Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
