I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
