I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
