3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
