there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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