"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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