I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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