I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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