My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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