He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
