alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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