dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
