i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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