It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
