I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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