Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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