you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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