I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
