THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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