i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
