Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
