I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
