Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
