I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
