put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He better not be in your backpack
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
