Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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